Reified Films of 2019

Our Top 5 Films (In No Particular Order)

THE FAREWELL

KNIVES OUT

LITTLE WOMEN

PARASITE

PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE

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The Only Film Award Categories That Matter

Category — Winner / Runner-Up

Best Private Shameful Viewing — Detective Pikachu / The Knight Before Christmas 

Most Surprising Twist — Adam Sandler can act / Best Picture went to the best picture

Curiosity Killed the Cat — Cats / The Lion King

This is a Hate Crime — Ignoring Awkwafina in The Farewell / Ignoring J.Lo in Hustlers

Best Film Film — Little Women / Ash is Purest White

Philosophy for Dummies — Joker / Luce

Best War Film — 1917 / Marriage Story

Best Film Rivalry — Fyre v. Fyre Fraud / Ford v. Ferrari

Best Toy Story — Toy Story 4 / Alita: Battle Angel

Queerbaiting! — The Lighthouse / Captain Marvel 

Aged Poorly — Nobility Worship in Downton Abbey / Robert De Niro in The Irishman

Most Forgettable — Men in Black: International / Yesterday

Greatest Film Sacrifice — Tony Stark in Avengers: Endgame / Andy King in Fyre Festival 

MVP — Florence Pugh in Little Women and Midsommar / Bon Joon Ho’s translator, Sharon Choi

Movie We’re Currently Lying about Seeing — Honey Boy 

Proud About Not Seeing — Richard Jewell